I
really want to disappear.
Fake my death,
kidnapped,
amnesia,
all those way to disappear from this world.
how many chances I get, that is what I’m going to take.
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| source : google image |
Parents,
understand me, that is all I want, once you understand a lot of people will
understand too! Trust me, your kid is big enough. I just need to reset my life.
When I’m gone, I’m not expecting for you guys to be sad :) But if you do, look
at the sky and tell me “no more bullshits, son. No more” that’s all I ask and again
if you do, don’t be sad, I’m always be with you guys whether you guys
understand me or not, you’re still my parents and I love you both. So much,
even a word can’t explain how much I love you guys. When I wrote this, tears of
a kid fell. (me) I tried so hard to shut up while I’m crying just so you guys won’t
hear it :) Actually, it is because I know you guys won’t understand me. Instead
of cuddling and comfort me the way that I deserve, you guys will scold me and
maybe make fun of me crying. And then you guys will say stop crying.
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| source : google image |
I broke my reputation and I let people call me “stupid”
just because of my depression. I cannot hold it for so long. I’m sorry. I really
need to forget everything right now, whatever it takes. I’m wounded, heavily
injured by my past and the present life did not go so well for me. I can feel
it mom, I’m going away. Forgive me, your son is not strong like you. I tried so
hard and this is so far. If I continue my life, a lot of people will continue
to bring me down. Lately, whenever I’m in the toilet, that is my escape. Escape
from reality. I was in my imagination. Every time in the bathroom, I lay down
and stare at the ceiling thinking if I should live or not. Hoping god is
hearing me, let me have my amnesia and let me forget everything. One day if I woke
up empty headed, please fill it with beautiful things okay? That is your second
chance dad. Ask my friends why I really want this, they will know why. Please,
don’t remind me about the things that got me hurt. I really want to forget her.
I love you both.
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| source : google image |
Let me tell you, parents. Depression is not a joke. People with depression will keep the things to him/herself. They will find a way to let it out and what is important is they won’t let people that does not understand, know about it. For me, it’s you guys, I won’t tell you about this because you would not really understand. Sad face with red eyes is a joke to you guys. I know :) I’m sorry to say this. For those who read this, forget about it after you read it. This is my platform to let go something that I cannot keep anymore. I bottled up my feelings since I learn about stress and depression. I did not blame anyone on why I became like this. I blamed myself because I’m not strong enough to handle this such of pain. A lot of people going through it smoothly and why I cannot be like them? Why? Because I’m not enough and will never be enough.
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| source : google image |
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